Issue #1 was a bit cramped for space - Ideally what I fancied doing was having a letters page, (y'know like all those fancy comics have with their millions of adverts and professional fonts and the like) and I had asked people to write in if they had any questions about the comic or related things, I even got some responses which you'll be able to read below, thanks to you who did write (mum) those who did not are going on the naughty list (everyone else).
As a man now past his best, I cannot help but think only of the past and it sets my mind back to the happy days of my youth, when women were mothers and sisters; benevolent grandmas and doting aunts. A time of innocence for my fruit laden loins, that now seek temptation wherever they take me and my age of innocence is lost forever and out of reach on the top shelf of desire. Back in those halcyon days I would peruse my sister's copies of Just Seventeen and Mizz magazine and spend many an hour chuckling at the problem page, some times a young like minded buck would send in his problems to these journals, which caused me no ending of titillation! So I was wondering if you had any back issues of the aforementioned teen pulp and if so can I have them? Mine were all lost in the great fire of 89'. WHOA IS ME! I look forward to hearing from you, and lurk for the post man in my dressing gown and slippers, ready to pounce when your ripe bounty arrives on my door step and this pain will end! WHOA IS ME!
Sincerley, Ponti Lambros. (Esq) "
"Dear 400 facts,
I recently went to Mr Funktown an eye specialist in my town, Ballykilldonkey. He done an eye test and found that I have had bad eyes for most of my life. "Aye, you're having me on!" I laughed. It was the first time I had been to an eye man and so I founded it hard not to say "aye" alot. I'm more an "Aye man" than an "Eye man". Mr Funktown slapped me when I said that. Well, anyway... he made me a lovely pair of turquoise framed spectacles and when I put them on I could see really clearly. It has also been laced with tragedy as I found out with good sight that the 20 year old girl I have been dating is actually a 79 year old grandmother. Now I know why she wouldn't let me stroke her face! I'm a silly billy. And you know what the first thing I read with my new specs was? 400 facts. It made me laugh like an epileptic penguin. My mother even phoned an ambulance she was so worried about my laughing fit! thanks guys you really helped me get through some tough times
"Dear 400 facts, OMG I read your comic and it
got me so excited that it made me spill my tea over my cat.. its bald now...lmao!! xoxoxo Katey"