I sat down in a cafe the other day ordered up a tuna bagel and a large coffee (which I had planned to pour whisky into because it was so cold but an old dude sat next to me and I got a bit self consciously alky, I worry too much about what old dudes opinions of me are) and ate both like an animal - mayonnaise and coffee shooting out everywhere, headphones rammed in me ears and trying to balance a book on my lap all at once. What can I say - I'm a multitasker momma!
That night I also went to a big ol' party and did a big booze. Tragedy struck however when I fell into a really deep gutter on their roof terrace in front of a lot of people. Later on I met someone there who told me a really boring story for at least half an hour, the kind of story where you know what the ending is but they can't seem to reach it without a shit load of exposition and very little in the way of jokes (or whatever it is that makes stories interesting these days).
So it wasn't the best start to the post Christmas party season I can tell ya, and then the curse got worse when I sank too many beers and had to nip to the toilet. Sadly, I was forced to piss outside because some really annoying girl wouldn't let me use the one toilet in the place (which is inevitably commandeered and occupied by women very early on in these events whereupon it is renamed the 'LADIES BATHROOM' even though it is a toilet without gender and doesn't mind which bits you stick in it)
It is simultaneously the most attractive and frustrating dance that two people play out in these toilet queue scenarios - the girl is justifiably indignant and appalled but the man is confused (drunk) and stupid (inevitably bringing up something like equal rights or some shite) and what ensues between them is a mixture of rolled eyes, discontented mumblings and outright sweary bollockings before the male swans off past the assembled crew of piss-eager girls who all make a mental note of said males face and add him to the 'Total Twat I'll Never Touch' list.
But something has happened between them - a frisson of passion, a heated debate where their mettle has been tested, it could head toward flirtation very easily if it were not for one thing; you're both subconsciously aware that as a couple you would forever be tainted by the knowledge that you first met via having a drunk fight at 4 in the morning over who could have a pish first.
That's why I walked away from my True Love on Saturday.
P.S - 400 Facts stickers came today - Spot them in town soon...
